I have almost lost touch with penning my thoughts down. Today I do it again.
I really don’t know how I should write what I want to write about. The last one year has been the most crucial year of life and it has changed my life and my perceptions about many things almost 360 degrees.
As I retrospect and look at the last one year – Well it was not only about the journey from Mumbai local train to a BMW 5 series. It was not only about the journey from an employee to an entrepreneur. It was not only about a journey from a Savings account to a Current one. It was about the change of my perspective towards life, myself and people.
I was born in a typical middle class family with a mindset reeking of fear, inhibitions, hypocrisy, complacence, doubts about everything and everyone, and a mindset which always says “Its too good to be True”. I had almost started believing that Life is NOT a movie ! I used to think the perfect life is only found for 3 hours in cinema halls which a girl like me should enjoy over a caramel pop corn and once the movie is done , should quietly return back to the what majority of the world defines as “normal”.
Now before u start hating me (and well u can ) let me clarify – I am still amongst the very middle of a middle class and I love it….but today I don’t carry that mindset which limits my vision….or atleast I am trying not to. Over the last one year I realized all the aspects which for 27 years of my life were limiting me and making me an “audience to a movie” rather than “making my life a spectacular movie”….and Yes This Movie has started J ! Below are some of the most important things which I shed in the past year and I hope and pray I never fall prey to any of them ever again:
Intelligence – This is my favorite! I always used to think – being able to do “Six Sigma” Project was like so kickass J! Being a 9.46 CGPA in MBA was like wow ! Planning, “Analyzing” Brainstorming to save organizations cost was like MAN I HAVE arrived in life!!!….until one day the reality hit my grey cells –If I was so Intelligent – why was I looking for someone else to put a price tag on my forehead and decide my future! I used to think being Philosophical was like so cool …and discussing complicated topics would make me look so good amongst people like me. I realized over a period of time that we only like that philosophy which is convenient to us ..example – “Money is not everything”…but then on Monday morning let’s get into a crowded train , fight rains … stand almost on edge of the local and reach a place which well- “pays us money” … and then in evening again say “kya karna hai itne paise ka” …Dude the Monk who sold his Ferrari , at least bought it in the first place! I today believe Philosophies are about experience, not convenience.
One quality which today I think I hate is this Illusion of Intelligence. I have come to terms with the fact that I am STUPID …and well it took me guts to accept it. The day acceptance of my stupidity came in …life changed. The mind opened to new ideas and I felt like a child again. I wish and pray to God to never give me my intelligence back …bcos everything beautiful in life is stupid- the first crush, the love letters, the adrenaline rush to achieve the impossible, the smile of a child and well life itself …Life always boasts about its power …and then a thing as stupid as a death comes and puts every logic to end! Stupidity is effortless, stupidity is beautiful.
Fear and Inhibitions- This is a BIGGIE! Many men think they have this …but ----Guts is not about taking a broom and moving a lizard off the kitchen wall! It’s about believing in something which cannot be seen and working towards it to make it a reality. I realized I was always taught to be afraid and to doubt anything unknown and this created a lot of inhibitions in mind. Small things like “Room is dark, so don’t go there” …it slowly started making me a person who would rather not take up something for the fear of failure. I realized that somewhere the EGO to fail was so high that I always was looking at safer options where my “intelligence” would say I will succeed and hence keep me in a boring comfort zone. As my intelligence started depleting, the Ego went away. Without ego…there’s no fear of the world which will always pass judgments…and I realized a fact – anyways the world is too busy watching movies of others lives and eating caramel popcorn . The fear and inhibition has today evaporated along with my intelligence and it’s a lovely place to be in.
Hypocrisy and Judgments – Ahem Ahem! I always used to say “I don’t want it” because somewhere I knew “I cant get it”. The reason for “I cant get it” was simple “I cant move my @** to get it” ! The last one year I started thinking “Why Not”! Quite a paradigm shift for me. From a complete lazy hypocrite to a rather hardworking animal is what it takes to take the bull by the horn and make all the difference. I feel that the entire complicated wiring of my brain is now dismantled and I am left with like two simple wires – one which reads “I want it” and second “So Get it “ ! I was almost a PHD in Judging others and others success …I realized that Success is something which doesn’t require judgments...just action. It takes no effort to be a hypocrite, it takes some effort to judge …and it takes a LOT of effort to have walk past these two evils of the society and establish Success for oneself.
The last one year was difficult.... to break away from all the above…a big task. But as I look back …today it feels much lighter, much sorted out. Why am I writing all this – To Inspire ?? NAAH ! I believe No one in this world can get inspired by someone else. I am just writing because I am having a stupidity attack and I wanted to express the journey of the last one year … For me making my life a movie is exciting and It feels great to get back to blogging. Please ignore all the things and get back to caramel popcorn!!